Duck Grudges & Public Basket Shenanigans

 

Look… I’m not saying this letter will get you banned from a park, but I am saying the ducks are keeping score.

I tucked this one deep inside a basket at a store because honestly, where else do you confess unresolved poultry tensions and crimes of bread distribution? Some people drop notes to their exes. I write about duck-related scandal and hide it in Walmart. We all cope differently.

The letter inside is from Francesca a woman who, as far as I can tell, is hiding out after a series of ill-advised duck feedings that spiraled wildly out of control. Her co-conspirator Tori is being very conveniently quiet, despite initiating the whole “If we name them, they’re part of the family now” situation. Classic Tori behavior.

Anyway. Francesca’s letter contains the kind of energy I aspire to in most friendships:

• Dramatic accusations

• Emotional food crimes

• A shared fear of being recognized by a duck in a tiny hat

• And a heartfelt plea to stop being the only one apologizing to waterfowl

I left it there in case someone else needed a reminder that emotional chaos is valid, and that sometimes your weirdest thoughts belong in the world—ideally handwritten and abandoned in a basket for some unsuspecting stranger to find while trying to buy throw pillows.

If you do find it… please know Francesca is doing her best. And so am I.

This has been another installment of Filed and Left Behind, where I write letters, let them go, and pretend they’ll eventually be found by someone who needed a little absurdity in their day.

I wrote it down so I could let it go,

— Elsie Thorne

(Keeper of Secrets, Duck Apologist, Public Basket Vandal)